7 Steps to Get Your Kids to do Chores

Our chore system works great--sometimes. I dole out the assignments, help the kids, and we have a clean, well functioning house. Sometimes, I have to remind and push and nag all day, and finally my husband gets them through their chores just in time for bed. There is no perfect system, but as a mom of four kids, ages 7 and under, I can tell you that this works. And my friends with older kids assure me that this struggle to lay a good foundation young is worth it.
Let me repeat that: this is worth it!

A Good Beginning

If you haven't already begun doing chores, it's important to explain your expectations. Doing chores is not the parents taking a promotion; it's having the kids contribute to a happy household. We all have to do work around the house. Sit the children down and explain this. If you're using a chore chart, unveil it and explain it here. If you're withholding privileges and/or offering rewards (more about both later), explain those systems here, too.

As we mentioned last time, clear expectations are key here as well. Young children (and even older children! Heck, even adults!) need to know exactly what's expected of them. You won't get results from taking a three-year-old to the door of a dirty bathroom and command them, "Make it clean." Show them step by step and help them with . . .

Understanding (& Patience)

I still remember what it was like to be a kid, and to look at a room filled with toys, and not know where to begin. Or a room that had all the big things picked up and think I was done, only to be instructed by my parents that I was nowhere near done.

Young children should not be expected to clean a room systematically or completely without explicit instructions, and often help and reminders. Cleaning isn't instinctual ;) . We're not just assigning them chores; we're teaching them how to maintain a household. A three-year-old is capable of scrubbing a toilet--but she may need it explained and demonstrated a couple (dozen) times.

Appeal to the Rules

Our household is run heavily by the rule of law: once we make a law (a rule), it rules (not our tyrannical wills, most of the time . . . whoops, my degree is showing). "I'm sorry, that's the rule," makes it sound like it's totally out of your hands--and any further appeals to you will be fruitless.

I'm pretty sure this is why rules were invented.

Withhold Privileges

I know, how cruel to make your children work for the privileges of playing computer games, seeing their friends, watching TV, etc. We're probably the meanest parents in the history of the world for doing things like this.

Reward Compliance

I once heard a talk by a family counselor, and he said to immediately thank a child as soon as they begin to obey. But you can do more than thank your kids, too: when our kids do their chores, with the Family Do Dots system they earn scrip to use in a family "store" once a week. You might pay your kids an allowance. When we Wayward Girls were little, we got to pick out a piece of candy if we did our chores. Young children can be motivated by the smallest rewards.

Choice & Accountability

Make chore time about their choices. They can choose to do their chores and as a consequence, receive privileges and rewards, or they can choose not to do their chores. Even adults don't get to choose the consequences of our actions!

Also under this, make sure the chores are completed and track this. Kids can tell if you're not really checking. (Spot checks can also be very effective.)

Teach Them to ENJOY the Results

Especially following a large task, like cleaning and organizing the toy room, have your children look around at what they've accomplished. They've cleaned this entire room. Help them not only understand the sense of accomplishment they should have, but also help them appreciate how nice the room looks, how easy it will be to find their toys, how much more fun they can have now that the room is clean. This end result is what we want, and if they can internalize that desire for themselves, it's helping them learn to work independently.

Posts in this series: 7 things every parent should know about kids' chores

Photo credit: two children cleaning—Michael Bentley; child cleaning—Amanda Westmont, via Flickr & Creative Commons

7 Things Every Parent Should Know About Kids' Chores

Maybe you're one of the lucky ones, but for us, chores have always been . . . difficult. Between finding a system that works for our family to finding the motivation to actually do it, sometimes having my kids do chores is harder than just cleaning the house myself!

But really, I'm not here to take care of everything for them: as a mom, one of my jobs is to teach my children how to become independent adults one day. And as part of that, I've learned that I need to teach them to do their chores.
 

Photo by Virginie Moerenhout

Let me say that again, because that's the #1 principle that every parent should know:

1. Children must be taught to do chores.
Nobody is born knowing how to pick up a room, put laundry in the proper drawers, do the dishes, etc. We must learn. It helps if we start teaching them while they're young. I imagine that many adults learned to do chores at such a young age that they hardly remember the learning period, but kids don't have that luxury.

2. Children (like everyone else!) need clear expectations for chores.
Most children under the age of about eight can't just be set in a messy room and commanded to clean it. They need specific instructions on what to pick up (i.e., categories of things: toys, books, clothes), where those categories of things should go (i.e., toy box, bookshelf, hamper), and what constitutes being "done." I remember myself being "done" with cleaning only to discover that my parents expected a lot more--and I see the same thing from my kids. It's frustrating for everyone.

3. Recognize the difference between "picking up" and "cleaning."
There's a big difference between picking up things and actually cleaning the house. If you only have small children, they will probably not be cleaning: vacuuming, scrubbing toilets, mopping floors. They should, however, begin picking up very young: putting away toys, books, clothes and other things on the floor. Picking up usually makes a bigger difference faster. Cleaning is a more advanced skill that, again, must be taught.

4. Systems. Work.
While not every system will work for every family or every child, the basic principle holds true: a chore system works. It helps to make the expectations and responsibilities clear, and the best systems also help track progress and completion--and even reward them! We've been using Family DoDots since January and for the most part, it's been very effective at keeping our family on track through the birth of a new baby and a move, two things that can derail any system.

5. Accept some mess.
This might sound contradictory in an article on doing chores, but I do believe that it's okay to have some mess in your home. Everyone's comfort level is different, but it's important to remember that they're kids. I also try to keep in mind that some days there's more mess than there are hands to pick it up, so I do triage: I pick the three messiest areas and assign them to my three chore-aged kids (plus a fourth area they work together on, and their bedrooms), and let the rest wait until another day. (Or, I guess, I pick it up myself if it's really bugging me.)

6. Work on your kids' level.
A teenager, unlike a preschooler, should usually be able to pick up and clean a room pretty independently. We start encouraging our kids to pick up around age one or so. By the time they're about two, we start our kids on actual chores--but we keep these age appropriate. Also, as we make assignments, we try to tailor them to each child. My seven-year-old's dresser drawers are labeled with words. My three- and five-year-olds' drawers are labeled with pictures.

7. Work with your kids.
This might actually be the #1 thing to do. It's certainly the #1 thing for me: nothing else helps to keep my children on task, happy and helping more than having me there with them, guiding, interacting and most of all modeling what to do. I do not do their chores for them, but when I work with them, we all get through the process faster and happier.

What other ideas & attitudes help you with your kids' chores?

Coming up in the Kids' Chores series: more on ways to make your expectations clear, tailoring your chores to your kids' ages, and how to get them to DO them!

Back to School: DIY Command Center (for under $50!) & Organization

A couple Saturdays ago, I came across an awesome DIY command center on the wall beside a refrigerator on Landee See, Landee Do (pinned here). That wall was just dead space in my house--but by the next Wednesday I'd converted it into an awesome command center!

Following Landee's advice, I contacted local heating & A/C companies for estimates. I went with the company that quoted me $20 for a 2'x8' sheet of steel.

I asked the Original Wayward (aka DAD) for some tips on how to drill holes in the sheet metal. He said:

• You can use a regular drill bit as long as the hole is fairly small (I did 1/4") and the metal is not too heavyweight
• Make sure the metal is secure!
• Lubricate with some light oil 
• Back up the metal with a piece of scrap wood backstop
• Use a punch before drilling to keep the bit from wandering
• Wear eye and ear protection
• Remember the bit and the metal will be hot
• The burr (edge of the metal) will be sharp. You may want to deburr (file the edge with a metal file).

Drilling holes with a scrap wood backstop

The only problem I came across was when the drill bit sometimes got stuck on a lip of metal. I used my punch (which happened to be a circular nail punch) and poked it through the whole, bending down the lip. Then I moved the center of the drill bit over a little to finish the hole.

I brought the metal inside and held it against the wall to mark where the holes would be. I might recommend doing the top holes first and hanging the metal before doing the other holes--the bottom holes ended up not lining up at all (no big deal; I just didn't screw them in).

I'd also recommend using more than four holes in each side--that only left two screws in the middle to secure it, and the sheet metal has sagged in a few places. (Double sided foam tape is a big help though!)

I used regular 1/4" screws, washers and nuts.

The magnetic organization is probably my favorite part:

At the top, I have magnetic clips for the kids' artwork from school and church (and a family photo). Below that is a couple inches for me to write out the menu plans for the week--never again does my husband have to ask "What's for dinner?"

I have a magnetic, dry erase metal wall file (held up by 8 neodymium magnets) for incoming mail. On the front I've listed important phone numbers. Some locker organizers hold pens and dry erase markers, as well as Post-it notes, Sharpies, and stamps. I already had a magnetic note holder (gift) and magnetic calendar (free in the mail).

The rest of the area is for school papers/to dos/action items, held by photo clips of each of us, and the kids' chore charts. If I can find somewhere else to put my garbage, I'll leave the bottom few feet for the kids to play with magnets (they love it!).

Costs:

• sheet metal (from local heating & A/C company): $20
• magnetic & dry erase mail holder (Target, clearance): $6.38
• magnets (Walmart): $6
• hardware (Walmart): $2
• dry erase markers & magnetic eraser (Target): $7.50
• pencil cup/organizer (Target): $2
• basket for markers (Target): $2
• magnetic clips (Dollar Tree): $1
• magnetic photo holder clips (Dollar Tree; two sets of two): $2
• magnetic picture frame (Dollar Tree): $1

Total cost: $49.88

I also organized a few other areas for back to school. Tired of searching for shoes all the time (and not being able to find a single pair of Rebecca's shoes for over a month), I instituted something my mom has used forever: a shoe shelf.

I got a $14 stackable shoe shelf at Target and decorated it with a silver Sharpie. The kids love it! And more importantly--they use it!

I also typed up before and after school routines, chore lists, and before bed/in the morning routines. I illustrated them and laminated them, then hung them up. The chore lists are on the command center (awaiting only some smiley face magnets to check off the completed chores) and the routines hang on Command hooks in the kids' room and in the front closet (along with hooks for backpacks).

What do you think? How did you organize for back to school this year?